Oh! The HORRORS....definately skip this post if you haven't had lunch yet...

So yeah.  I'm having to do things I never thought I'd have to do.  For example, I never expected to have to trim dead (gag urp) skin from the bottom of anyones feet.  But I did.  I had to, it was just hanging there causing me to want to (gag urp) HORK up my food everytime I had to deal with his feet.  I kept hoping the shit would fall off at some point but gave up hoping after a few weeks of looking at hanging skin feet.  His entire body has peeled the feet just wouldn't finish off on their own.  I keep slathering them with this stuff the hospital gave me hoping it will keep this from happening again. 

I also never expected to have to coach my husband through "birthing" a giant poop rock.  But guess how I spent my lunch hour yesterday?  Yep.   Doing just that.  He hadn't pooped in 3 weeks so the doc suggested a stool softener.  I bought Colace.  Gave it to him Sunday night.  Monday afternoon he tried to go and basically couldn't pass the rock and ended up laying on the bed in pain waiting for me to come home and save the day.  So I'm calling the nurse and she tells me he needs an enema.  The LAST thing in the WORLD I want to do is stick something up his ass.  But he's in pain and it's that or a trip to the hospital.  Did I mention we had just spent the morning at the hospital getting blood tests etc?  Yeah.  So anyway, off to CVS pharmacy for a 2-pack of Fleet and a pack of cigarettes.  For me.  Because yeah.  I needed a smoke to get my courage up.

So, he's on the bed, in so much pain he is shaking and sweating profusely and he can barely speak.  I prepare him and myself for what we were about to endure.  Spread the cheeks and what do I see?  A crowning turd.  Seriously.  We made an attempt, he screamed out in pain and I backed off faster than the speed of light and tried calling the nurse again...the bitch put me on hold and then came back and told me to either try again or bring him in.  UGH.  I was looking for a miracle, not the obvious haha.

So, the 2nd attempt I managed to get past the rock and get the enema emptied, most of it on the bed THANK GOD I put down waterproof pads.  I then help him and his leaky ass to the toilet where he can barely sit and he is at this point shaking really badly from the pain.  Sweat pouring down his face, he's also having a hot flash.  Poor guy I felt sorry for him but really all I could do was comfort him and try to help him through it.  Finally, he delivered his poop rock baby and I was able to get him cleaned up and into bed. 

I headed back to the bathroom to clean up the mess and the toilet clogged (DAMNIT) so I had to wait for the maintainence guy to show up before I could escape from my apartment of HORRORS and get back to work.

This is my life now, folks.  It's always something, it's never good and it just keeps coming.